I know that today is a tough day for so many people. Singles come to mind first but are quickly followed by those who were once in a loving marriage and have lost their spouse to death or divorce. It can just be a tough day and that stinks. Maybe not tough in that you were dying to get some flowers or chocolates, but that it seems everyone around you is putting a magnifying glass on the hole in your heart.
Social media seems to make it worse. Pictures are posted all over facebook, twitter and instagram. Maybe you really can’t physically escape it! I remember in college a girl getting 3 different flower deliveries. Yeesh, how many flowers does one person need? All of the physical realities aside, something I so hope you will escape is the attitude that something is wrong with you or that you are unloved because that simply is not true.
The world wants us to think that if we aren’t married by the time we are 25, there’s something wrong with us. The world wants us to think that if we are not givien boxes of candy and vases of flowers, we aren’t really loved. The world paints a picture of “love” that is not real, not attainable and almost always false. Thankfully, we have a Heavenly Father, the author and Creator of Love that steps in with scripture and shows us what truth is. What love is. Before going any further, I hope you know that you have a God that LOVES you so much that he sent His only son to die on the Cross so we could be in Heaven with our Creator forever. One of my favorite pastors once said,
“God loves you so much that He knew Eternity would not be the same if you weren’t a part of it.” Dr. John Hamby
How’s that for a Valentine’s day message?
I know, I know, it’s easy for me to say because I’m married. But, regardless of what my relationship status might be, these things I’m about to share are true. They are true for all of us.
1) Your relationship status does not define you. There, I said it. Being single, married or widowed does not define you. And if it does, you need to change your thought process. There are so many wonderful, beautiful things God has given you outside of that: talents, gifts, various relationships, opportunities to love on others.
2) Gods timing is perfect. When thinking about my own relationship, I can look back and see how Gods timing was perfect in it. If my husband had come around even 6 months before he did, I would have not been ready. God knew what I needed and He knows what you need to.
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habbakuk 2:3
For those of you that have lost a spouse, first, I’m so sorry. Gods timing is still perfect for you but a lot less easy to understand or for me to explain. All I can say is that there is purpose in it. His word promises that and sometimes, it’s all we can cling to. I’m praying God is close to you today.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Psalm 34: 17-20
3) If there is a void in your life, a person or relationship will never fix that. It’s so easy to say, “If I were just married” or “If I just had a baby” Or “If I just had a bigger house, then I’d be happy!” If you are wanting another flawed human being to fill all of the unhappiness and voids in your life then you are going to be sorely disappointed with your spouse. God is the only source that can fill our voids, our discontents. Don’t believe me? There are plenty of unhappily married people out there. Content and joyful people are content and joyful no matter what season of life they are in. Now, does this mean they don’t have problems or don’t desire things to be different? Of course not, there is a big difference in something being a desire of your life and something dominating your life.
Need a visual? Have you seen those shape sorter toys that they give toddlers to play with? If I take a star shaped block and try to shove it in the triangle outline, it is never going to go through. Ever. If a desired relationship is a star but you’ve got a triangle shaped void, there is nothing that is going to fill it but a triangle shaped block. No matter how hard you try, it is just never going to work. Find out what your voids are, ask God to reveal the areas of your life that need attention, then do your best to work on filling the void in your life. (this is something that might be a quick aha moment that resolves itself quickly. However, if you find something bigger or deeper going on then I encourage you to seek a counselor in your area. They are trained to help you deal with different areas of trouble in your life).
3) Stay positive and enjoy this season of life for what it has to offer. Just because it seems like everyone else is off celebrating with boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives, that doesn’t mean you have to sit around watching lifetime movies and eating ice cream (unless of course you love to and then, well, by all means). Go out to dinner with some friends, challenge yourself to run an extra 5 minutes tonight, get a pedicure. While I love my current season, there are so many things that single women can do that I can’t do freely anymore.
Focusing on what is missing in your life will never help you or your attitude. Focus on what you do have, the blessings you have been given and enjoy them to their fullest, right now!
4) Above all, your Creator LOVES you. If you are feeling down or low, I want you to remember these verses, say them over and over to yourself. These apply to the unhappily single, the unhappily married, the unhappily widowed. So, essentially, all of us, regardless of relationship status. If you are breathing and reading this, I want you to read these for your current situations:
“The King is enthralled with your beauty! Honor Him, for He is your Lord” Psalm 45:11
“He has made every thing beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zeph 3:17
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:14